There are several boys and girls; men and women out there who simply don’t have the courage to speak up to their parents. Mummy and Daddy hold such a traditionally inevitable and crippling power over their children that it eventually ‘tames’ them to enslaving submission. *Chuckles*, I make it sound like some sort of child labour camp, but it’s all because I strongly believe that this topic should be brought into limelight before we end up driving these kids crazy or turn them into automated robots.
Are you the offspring of a desi? Well then, you’re in for it, get ready for perpetual taunts which pop up from time to time. In case you’re wondering that you’ll be able to get away from it during your undergraduate studies or after you get married off to the love of your life? I applaud at your wishful thinking, sadly this doesn’t happen in most parts of our ‘oh so dear’ Pakistani society.
Here’s a list of things that parents do with pure and well wishing intents, but they create a paradox effect and weigh on their children like archives of political misdoings in our country:
1) The everlasting taunts and ‘pinch me lines’: These are an all time favourite hobby of desi parents, they thrive on their statements being transmitted hardcore ‘tanziyaa‘ style to their children. If it’s a girl who just rejected the ideal rishta which would have ‘turned the tables’ for her, then she is immediately labelled as the ‘ungrateful girl’ who has no value of proposals whatsoever. She should surely lather herself in a nice shower gel of pure guilt and regret. Or else she would be a shallow and spoiled daughter. As far as it goes for all the young men out there, if by chance they happened to have a fling with some girl their mother didn’t approve of, then it will produce an infinite harvest of ‘I told you so’ lines, which will pop up every time he fails a test, gets up late in the morning or refuses to marry a ‘potential wife material’ girl.
2) The WWF Scenario of how other sons/daughters have conquered the world: In case you’re wondering, this isn’t a game of God of Wars, but some parents take this stuff seriously, they want the console in their hands and won’t let go! Some mothers and fathers love mentioning how Anwar Khaloo’s son got a fancy scholarship at a University in America, yes they are trying to imply with those laser-vision eyes that you shouldn’t have applied to Music School. Instead you should have pursued medicine like Anwar Khaloo’s son and socialized with him on academic terms, because then that scholarship would be yours, not his. Where is the logic and rationality in this? If you’re expecting an answer, dont ask me. You just lost Round 1 to Anwar Khaloo’s son and chances of winning the Wrestling title seem pretty slim.
Are daughters shoved into the business of wrestling in Pakistan of course they are, they’re always first and foremost in the “Kabaddi sessions” with their parents. If you own female genitals and aren’t too good at the conventional sects of studying (Medicine, Engineering), then you ought to be married off as soon as the clock strikes ‘shaadi o’ clock’. Oh my gosh, did you hear of Rehmat’s sister? She went to complete her studies in UK and bagged a rich British national Pakistani man. Yes, that means you’re a good for nothing daughter who should have travelled to UK to get a degree and secretly seduce a British national Pakistani man who would marry you, and you’d be the talk of the town.
3) Over-analyzing: It’s a customary past time within many Pakistani households, this joyous event involves one or more parents gathering in the Lounge and discussing what went wrong?
For instance, if you got expelled from School or College, the topic of expulsion will be the highlight of the week with fresh and vocally advertised statements of your demeanour and reminders of the incident which you’d rather block out.
If the daughter wants to pursue her studies for an elongated period of time, then the analysis of marriage and compatibility after a ‘high education’ will be raised into conversations. In a case where the daughter decides to retire from academics, she will be used as a hypothesis of what happens to girls when they don’t have “reputable degrees”, this case study comprises of miser husbands not feeding their wives and dependant women staring out a stained glass window. Yes, that’s what parents tell their children sometimes.
4) Past experiences retold: This is a rather serious topic, I believe parents have the best intentions for their children, they hope that their mistakes will not be embedded within their children’s life stories. Eventually this pure and harmless notion leads to ‘impositions’ on sons and daughters which they might not want to follow. In order to create a comfortable life for their children, parents send them to the best schools, in return they expect loyal devotion to their word of mouth. Parents hope that their children will exceed in conventional academic terms and lead a financially fulfilling life. But in reality, some of them just want to choose the road which might not be as extravagant, but it feels familiar to them. If the ‘possessed child’ decides to pursue education in a field which seems economically distasteful, parents hold a grudge against it hence completely overlooking their child’s passions or leanings.
Constant reminders of the “tough life” are realities which many of us have to face at some point, but using that term to indoctrinate your children for their well-being in the world by crushing their own individual stances is wrong. If beta jee or beti jee decide to follow a new path which holds their mental peace in place, (as long as it’s not something wrong and outrageous) they often get to hear echoing statements such as “Tum ne abhi dekha hi kya hai, ye dunya bohat zalim hai”. Rather than motivating a person, they simply consume the fuel you so painstakingly gathered to courageously go your own way. Past experiences are worth more than any book of anecdotes, but they shouldn’t overshadow the tiny dreams of those who are new and upcoming in this world.
These 4 points might not apply to every Pakistani, but I hope it helps those few realize they’re not alone in this pool of distress! The hardest thing to do in life is to pave your own way, because you will encounter judgements, statements and events which will tear you apart. On these occasions, my dear parents, your kids just want you to sew their torn ends and nothing more. 🙂
Comments are welcome, and you may also get in touch with me through email: todayisnow2@gmail.com
Rants from Karachi 
Reblogged this on Crimes of being a woman and commented:
Read this piece on on Pakistani parents!